Running from God

Quiet Time – 18.10.2016 [Psalm 9]

Today I spent so much of my day running from God.  It started really well actually, had a job interview in the morning that went really well, did my laundry, felt great!  Then the girl I’ve been pursuing cancels on coffee this week (which I was totally looking forward to D=) because she’s sick, which is totally fine!  But… as I was rescheduling with her it seemed more and more like she wasn’t as keen as I was.  Huge bummer because I thought I had moved out of the friendzone.

It hurt.

The rest of the day was mostly a blur, my brain felt groggy and slow and my emotions were everywhere.  I also felt like I was avoiding God not really wanting to talk to Him or hear from Him.

I guess I felt far from Him because I was pushing Him away.

At least until now at the classic time of 2:11am where I just have to talk to God and face Him otherwise I’d probably explode.

Time to uncover and face my insecurities.

I decided to go back to one of the habits I used to have which was Praying through the Psalms and decided to write out some prayers I had in response to some of Psalm 9.

“I will praise You, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all Your wonders.
I will be glad and rejoice in You;
I will sing praises to Your name, O MOST High.”

-Psalm 9:1-2

  • Father God would You help me to remember Your goodness and character.
  • Help me to praise You with every single bit of my heart not with holding anything for myself.
  • Would I testify to Your goodness to all around me.

I drew a heart on the side of that verse and coloured it in and wrote : “ALL my heart.  NOT SOME.”  I knew that I wanted to hold parts of my heart to myself and not give it over to God in praise.  But that’s not how worship is, God demands ALL of us, not SOME of us, not MOST of us, but ALL of us.  Not even 99%.  I can’t hold even that 1%.

Would God take ALL of me and would I be a living sacrifice giving Him the praise that He deserves.

“Those who know Your name will trust You,
for You, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek You.”

-Psalm 9:10

  • I’m sorry that I forgot You were near me God and that I didn’t trust You.  I looked at my own insecurities and fears and tried to deal with them myself.
  • Would You help me to seek You knowing that You are near, knowing that Your Spirit dwells within me.
  • Would You help me to trust You, knowing that I can’t actually deal with these things myself.

This verse hit me hard when I read it out loud.  It was as if God was speaking to me showing me pretty clearly that I had forgotten all about Him today.  But it felt like He was speaking to me so gently at the same time… it wasn’t like He was condemning me or putting me down but instead… reassuring me.  “Trust me for I am WITH YOU” is what I felt He was saying to me.

What an insanely timely comfort.  

You know that feeling of peace inside that comes only after You’ve given everything to God?  Yeah… that’s how I feel now.  I’m still sad, and I’m still not sure what’s up with things but I do know the more important things.  God’s calling me to walk with Him, to remember that He is near and to praise Him.  I don’t know a lot of things in my life, but if I can be walking with God, remembering that He’s near and praising Him I’m sure things will turn out just fine :)

“The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.”

-Psalm 9:9


Rain | Spoken Word

Today it rained…
It actually poured
As the drops hit the roof
It sounded like applause

And it caught my attention
As I left the bus door
Silently I watched
As if it was an encore

Fascinating really
That water rains from above
But then hits the ground
Journey stopped abrupt

I walked back inside
So the sound did die
But as I close my eyes
It’s like the song’s reprise

Down on my bed
As I begin to lie
Just like a lullaby
Given and supplied

That it soothes my thoughts
My fast life, it caught
Reflection it brings
And brings my heart to sing

Of how this rain
Reminds me of Him
Who soothes my soul
And with me, does stroll

He’s like the rain
When I use an umbrella
Instead of embracing Him
I rush straight through the weather

So right now and here
In this very endeavor
I’m gonna stop and sing
To my God forever

That every single thing
That this world does offer
From the sun to the moon
And the cloud storms that loom

Has a reflection of God
Because He made it all
So stop and listen
Just relax and pause

To hear the rain
As it pitters and patters
Because it’s telling you
Of the One who matters

Psalm 4 | Spoken Word

Oh God I pray for patience
That you might help me persist
Even though I am in distress
Remind me that You are in my midst

Oh God please help me to wait
As the world laughs and scorns
Mocks, shames and pains
As I cry out again and again

Oh God help me not to sin
But instead help me to trust
In You the sovereign Lord
As I await the holy reward

Oh God fill me with joy
Let me look upon Your face
My heart bursts out
As I receive Your embrace

Oh Father God, You are better than life
The sweetest of breads, the sweetest of wines
The screams of pain will slowly fade away
As I trust in You Lord, in Your arms I am safe

Psalm 3 | Spoken Word

I hear the cries, screams and the calls
Of those who hate me, and of those who hate You
They say that You will not stand by me
That You will not deliver, but I just cannot agree

Because You my God are a shield around me
You bestow glory on me and lift up my head
You see all of my pains, and you hear all of my cries
You comfort me greatly as I lay down on my side

And as I fall down in a heap, dried tears displayed on my cheeks
You watch over me, never ceasing to sleep
And if I do awake, if I see another sunrise
It’s only because another day You do choose to supply

So I will not fear, the tens of thousands against
The ones who are wicked, the ones who resent
For one day the Lord will come and deliver
Swift justice to the wicked and bless us with the Giver

So while David could not see
The fulfillment of his plea
I stand here on this side of the cross
Knowing that the Gospel means loss

So seeing David be pursued
Persecuted in servitude
Does not surprise me
But brings me to gratitude

Because the cry of David
Was for justice to reign
And I know now in Jesus
That, that promise still remains

Cause Jesus will come back
He will have His way
The wicked will be punished
And His people, He will save

Psalm 2 | Poetry

The people of the world, they gather and plot
Against the King of their world and they plan to revolt
But little do they see, the freedom that they so desperately seek
Is not found in the rebellious, but instead in the meek

And so begins their dark downward spiral, as they mischievously scoff
And the God of this world prepares His frightening wrath
He says “I have installed my King on Zion, on My holy hill”
And you can enjoy your rebellion, but you’ll one day be still

As I send My Son Jesus, my Anointed One
He’s coming to judge and there’s no where to run
Regardless of how you treat Him, He’s already the King
So stop for a second and start listening

You people of earth, be warned and be wise
Serve the Lord with fear and stop believing your lies
For believing in Jesus will free you from your sin
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him

Psalm 1 Prayer

Father let me not be led by the world,
But instead fix my eyes upon You.
Let me delight in Your law,
Let me meditate upon Your scriptures day and night.

And as I do God,
I pray that Your love would overflow from me.
That as I am sustained by You,
Your love would overflow out of my hands,
Into this broken world that needs You so desperately.

May I be like the tree planted by the streams of living water,
Focusing on You, being sustained entirely by You.
And as Your Spirit sanctifies me and conforms me to the image of Jesus,
Would you let me trust in the righteousness that is found in Jesus alone.


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